


Interview

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Gen, postgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-13
Updated: 2010-12-13
Packaged: 2017-10-13 15:58:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/139056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Postgame, Karkat calls a press conference. Rated for language (but it's Karkat, you should know this already).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interview

**Author's Note:**

> Writing Karkat is such amazing catharsis.

_What do you want?_

"The hell kind of question is that?"

 _Well, you're here. You called this press conference. Obviously, you must have something in mind._

"All we wanted for this press thing was to let you nooksuckers know: yes we're aliens, yes we've settled here on Earth, no we're not hostile. That's all. If there's gonna be a media explosion about us I'd at least like to be in control of when and where we set it off."

 _Still, there must be something your group wants. You're twelve kids holed up in an undisclosed location, there's gotta be something you need._

*sigh* "I don't know. There's lots of stuff we need. There's lots of stuff we want. Nepeta wants a kitten. Can you get her a kitten?""

 _Probably. It's human nature to want to help those in need, especially children._

"Fucking retarded is what it is."

 _Well?_

"... alright. First, blanket statement: we're not going with your ridiculous military scientists. No poking, no prodding, no examinations, no experiments. If you're that curious you can ask nicely, but we reserve the right to say no. And especially don't do the cliché kidnap-them-in-the-middle-of-the-night-when-they're-off-guard thing. We can and will fuck your shit up beyond all possible recognition."

 _You've watched far too many movies._

"Put a bulge in your protein chute, I'm not done yet. I've got a list. Feferi wants to sit down and have a chat with your world leaders - she's gotten all gung-ho political ever since she realized she's the de facto empress. Nepeta wants the aforementioned kitten, and she and Tavros want to tour your best animal prisons."

 _...You mean zoos?_

"That is the most fucktarded word I have ever heard, but yes. Your pathetic human "zoos", and I just felt my brain cells die. Anyway. Terezi wants to tour that law school of yours, Harvard, and have the opportunity to apply. Aradia wants to visit Egypt. Eridan wants a private screening of all the Harry Potter movies, and to meet with the author. Sollux wants access to a supercomputer, and Equius to the latest robotic technology. Kanaya wants a trip to Paris for fashion week. Gamzee wants to see an ICP concert. Vriska wants a week in Vegas."

 _And you, personally?_

"What?"

 _You didn't mention what you want for yourself._

"... I don't know. I'm good, I guess. Nothing in particular springs to mind."

 _Really? Nothing in the whole world you want?_

"No, not really."

 _Can I ask why?_

"I'm just... okay. With everything. I've got everything I need."

 _Such as?_

"Friends, the douchebags. A good matespritship with an amazing girl. A massive collection of every romcom ever made by trolls or humans. And, y'know, a roof over my head. Food to eat. A distinct lack of people trying to kill me - a place I can close my eyes without worrying about getting culled in my sleep. A place where being someone like me doesn't have to mean being afraid.

I don't think there's anything else anyone could need."

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hey where did that sappy come from. Sorry about that (no I'm not).


End file.
